It’s Bachelor time which means we have to finish the already terrible two-on-one date with Shanae and Genevieve.
For those of you who tune in only for Pudding updates, she went to the vet on Monday. They had to mildly sedate her and put the Hannibal Lecter mask on her, and I’m not going to lie, when they took her in back to draw blood it sounded like that scene from Jurassic Park where they lower the cow into the velociraptor pit.
Pudding was not the cow.
Anyway, the vet said she’s one of the healthiest 16 year old cats she’s seen and her kidney numbers are good.
Pudding’s expression when I told her we had to watch The Bachelor
So on the date, Genevieve starts crying and tells Clayton things are awkward at the house and that she doesn’t mean to seem closed off.
Then Shanae sits down with Clayton and he says, “When we’re together we have a very good connection, but obviously there’s been some tension. I know when last we talked you apologized, and I thank you for that, but I just want to know how everything is good.”
Shanae says she can’t trust Genevieve and that she overheard Genevieve say she wants to go home (I don’t remember that but in all fairness I was drunk). She accuses Genevieve of acting.
Then she starts crying and says she struggles with being vulnerable because she’s been single for five years and I…
What is this woman’s deal?
In her aside interview she cheers herself on for making herself cry.
Clayton sits both women down and grabs the single date rose. He asks Genevieve if she’s an actress and lying to him. She’s taken aback and says she’s been honest and open. Then Clayton sighs in frustration and walks away.
Clayton comes back and says he can’t find it in his heart to give Shanae the rose. We cut back to the hotel where a person comes in and removes Shanae’s suitcase. The other women cheer and pop champagne.
Shanae says she’s pissed and blindsided. She then says hates Clayton and screams “Fuck you, Clayton!”
Then it’s time for the pre-Dreaded Rose Ceremony cocktail party. Sarah pulls Clayton aside and they make out for awhile. She tells the camera she feels like she’s going to get a rose.
Since they are in Canada, Mara feeds Clayton poutine. She gets interrupted right away and starts crying because she only had 3 minutes with him.
The women go to the ceremony, which looks like it’s being held in a random hotel lobby. Marlena and Hunter go home. Clayton announces that they’re going to Hvar, Croatia next.
The first one-on-one date goes to Teddi. Mara is struggling because she feels like she hasn’t gotten as much time with him as the other women.
During the dinner they aren’t allowed to eat, Teddi tells Clayton she has something to tell him and she isn’t sure how he’s going to take it. She tells him she’s a virgin. Her mom had her at a young age, and she’s felt pressure as a result to wait until she’s in love (and she’s never been in love).
Clayton thanks her for being vulnerable and gives her the date rose.
Back at the hotel, the group date comes and Mara realizes Sarah is getting a second one-on-one when she hasn’t had one yet. She starts to cry.
WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING ALL THE TIME.
For the group date they meet a female knight who tells them that Croatian women fought side by side with the men. The women put on armor and are put through a series of challenges.
In one of the challenges they have to eat a meal that consists of brain, liver, stomach and fish eyeballs.
Serene wins the competition.
During the cocktail hour, Clayton pulls Rachel aside and asks her if she feels like they’re in a good place. She says, “I’m falling for you so hard and I’m terrified because I don’t know what’s going to happen.” She tells him she’d love to bring him home to her family.
Mara tells Clayton she’s struggling because she hasn’t gotten a one-on-one. She tells him he seems to picking younger women who are more “girlfriend material” than “wife material.” She says some of the women have said they aren’t ready for an engagement. Then she calls out Sarah specifically as being not ready for marriage.
Oh good. More pointless bullshit drama.
Click for me
The date rose goes to Rachel. Mara seethes.
After the date, Clayton hears a knock on his door and sees that someone slid a note under his door. It says to meet them at the clock tower.
As Clayton walks through the city to the clock tower we get a random shot of a stray cat just chilling and this would be the best thing ever. No Sarah. No Mara. Nope just Mr. Boots the tabby waiting for Clayton. He realizes he’s not looking for a wife, he’s looking for a fuzzy best friend. He and Mr. Boots go home to spend their lives together and I don’t have to watch this nonsense anymore.
But no, it’s Susie waiting for him. They go up into the clock tower and look at the city. Susie tells Clayton she’s falling in love with him and they make out.
After this, Clayton meets up with Jesse. He explains that Mara told him some of the women aren’t there for the “right reasons.” Jesse tells him to trust his heart or the journey or something.
On their date, Clayton tells Sarah someone said she’s not ready for marriage.
Sarah starts crying and tells him that’s not true.
She tells him she absolutely sees herself being ready to be engaged at the end of the show. Clayton steps away to think.
Sarah cries more and says she doesn’t know why someone would do that to her. When Clayton comes back, she tells him she doesn’t want to lose him over a lie.
Clayton tells her they have a strong connection, blah, blah, blah and she gets the date rose.
And that’s where this extremely boring episode ends. Are you watching?